gummiflamingo's posterous

I am so thankful for my loves and all the joy they bring me every day. Sent from my iPhone

I am not the most on-the-ball person. I forget keys, run late, fall asleep with my contact lenses on . . . You get it. Being a mom severely complicates my already somewhat scattered mind. Babies have a lot of stuff! Diapers, wipes, pacifiers, spare clothing, etc. I feel so overwhelmed trying to remember every little thing. This was exemplified by today's craziness. Ironically, it was trying to think ahead that got me in trouble. Not only did I organize my diaper bag instead of just throwing everything in it haphazardly, I also had the forethought to pump out a bottle to give to tiny girl on our way to my husband's work's open house. Not only does she cry in the car, I knew she'd be due for a feeding right about when we'd be leaving the apartment. Awesome planning: pump a bottle and give it to her in the car. Then I thought even further ahead and I tossed a couple scoops of formula in a baggie and put 2 oz. of water in a separate bottle in case she was still hungry/fussy. Here is where it gets hilariously wrong. When I prepared the formula bottle, I left my breast milk bottle on the kitchen counter. So what, right? I had a backup bottle. NOPE. In my genius planning, I neglected to pack the measuring scoop from the carton formula, leaving me with no way to gage the correct ratio of water to formula. Now I was left with no bottles of food for baby girl. And since I had just pumped, I felt that my supply might not be very substantial if I were to feed her in the car. It was an extremely stressful drive since Isla cried the whole time and I sat there cursing and wondering if I had enough milk left to satiate her. I was so looking forward to the open house, and so was my husband, and I just felt like I had ruined the whole day since Isla would be hungry and fussy the whole time. Then we hit traffic, of course. Just another blatant reminder that I suck at life sometimes. After a long, loud drive to the open house, I did just nurse her in the car in the parking lot. It was fine.

Oh well, we ended up having a really great time-- especially since Isla fell asleep in my moby wrap during the tour of Mike's work. Everyone got to see how adorable she is and not have to deal with how loud she is when she's fussy. Success!

Full tummy = sleepy baby.

There is something to the timing of baby's development. Just when you can't take not sleeping any longer, she sleeps for longer stretches. Just when you are at your wit's end from all the crying, she learns how to smile. The first time she looked at me and smiled (at 5-6 weeks), my eyes welled up a bit. After all the crying, it was extremely reassuring to know that my baby was capable of experiencing some happiness!

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Isla Kate was born six weeks ago, and I think we're starting to get into a routine. Let me just say though, as soon as I feel like I have the hang of things, Isla decides to spend a good amount of time crying and thus reducing whatever confidence I have developed as a brand new mom. Yes, life with a newborn has not been easy for me, and I can't imagine who it would be easy for (and could they please line up so I can smack them?).

I am probably very similar to other new moms who coddle their babies, but I feel like I have the extra bonus of having a bit of a fussy girl on my hands. She actually shows us more of her smile now-- and I even caught a giggle today when I finished changing her--but really, when Isla is awake she is much more likely to be either eating or crying. That is a hard fact of my experience so far. I know not all babies are like this, but I also know that a crying baby is something one can get used to, but only to an extent. I still can't really let her "cry it out," and I would rather let her sleep on me then take the chance of waking her up by setting her down. I'm working on the latter. That's where I know I sound a little crazy. However, sometimes even a ridiculous softie like myself has to suck it up and deal with the screaming. Today that was bathtime. She screamed as soon as I finished washing her hair and began to peel off her diaper so I could scrub her body. So far, there are only a few things that will momentarily soothe Isla, or quiet her down completely (read: put her to sleep).

1. Washing her hair. She is such a girl. She loves it. As I lather and rinse her hair, I silently wish the whole bath would be so lovely and mellow. Oh well, it's the figurative calm before the storm.

2. Breastfeeding. This should be number one, because it's the most surefire way to get her out of a purple-in-the-face fit of wailing.

I starve!

3. Wearing the moby wrap. Isla, again, knows what she likes. Sitting upright against a chest and being bounced are pretty high on that list. The wrap adds the bonus of acting as a warm swaddle, sort of smashing her against either one of us while we also get the Lu Bird out for a walk. The combination of position, movement, bodyheat, confinement, and the sensation of being outside knock her out almost every time.

4. Bouncing. Same position as above, but this is done in the apartment, without the wrap, and usually takes place on and off from 4-10pm. I'll do laps in the living room and kitchen, sometimes swinging by the bathroom to run the faucet, which also seems to distract her for a bit and induce the lovely sleepy-eyes.

5. Going outside. We aren't supposed to let her be in direct sunlight, but I can already tell that she definitely likes the sensation of fresh air and sun. When we are outside, she always quiets down, at least for a moment or two, and surveys her new surroundings. Many camping trips are in our future :)

I long for the great outdoors!

That is, anxiety about baby (and delivering him or her), not babies with anxiety . . .  So, my sweetest hubby has been in Alabama since July 17th.  I have been counting the days until he gets back-- which will be, finally, this Friday the 29th.  Then, bright and early Saturday morning, we will be attending labor/birthing class.  I admit, I dropped the ball a bit with the birthing classes.  I think you are supposed to attend when you about two months ahead of your due date.  Not when you are on the brink of your 37th week.  At least the information will be fresh in our minds, I suppose.   Lu and I have been staying at my parents' house while Mike has been away.  I have been trying to fill up my days, and my mom has been really great about taking me out to lunch and keeping me busy.  However, the sad reality is that I was running out of things to do this summer before Mike ever left on this trip.  After wrapping up comps and jumping into student teaching, and finishing my credential, I all of a sudden have NOTHING to do.  I feel like Hugh Grant in About a Boy, where he interprets time as these half hour, purposeless units during which he can get a haircut, watch a TV show, or make a cappuccino in his fancy cappuccino machine.   I tend to spend a significant amount of time with google and various baby related search terms: "recovery after c-section," "witch-hazel," "breathing during labor," "apgar test," and the like.  As informed as I feel, I understand that most of what I will be experiencing will only bring about more questions and confusion than I can attempt to prepare for.   The last ultrasound revealed the baby is head down.  I am anticipating doing this the old-fashioned way, but I understand that the most important thing is to deliver a healthy baby.  I found out at 35 weeks that the baby was only 4 lbs.  This worried me a little because I was a huge, 9 pound baby, and my brothers were 8 and 10 lbs., respectively.  Bubba was the only normal 7-pounder.  If the baby puts on a half pound per week, it will still only be between 6-7 lbs.  I suppose that should be somewhat reassuring-- that I won't be pushing out a behemoth child, but I was just so surprised that it's still so tiny.  I didn't know this, but apparently my dad was a tiny, 5 pound baby.  So maybe it's not so rare.  Of course, Michael was 5 lbs., but he was sharing a uterus with his twin brother, so that doesn't count.  I am hoping to not turn into a scary demon woman when I go into labor.  In fact, I was thinking about how one of the big drawbacks to having a c-section (which will be the case if the little one decides to flip back over by my next ultrasound), is that afterwords you are stuck with that incision in the abdomen.  I need to be able to laugh with Mike about our struggles.  It's how we get by.  An abdominal-incision complicates the execution of our coping strategy greatly.  I need to laugh-- I take things far too seriously and get too worried and anxious.  I need to be able to laugh with Mike about how crappy I am at swaddling, how we can't understand the nurses' accents, that my boobs feel like they are going to explode, or that our baby looks weirder than we expected.  Whatever it is, I need to be able to laugh about it.  That is why I married Mike, and probably why I am going a little insane with him gone.   Good thing my family members are all a bunch of screwballs as well.  Debating with my brothers and joking with my mom and dad and sister help pass these units of time much better than when it's just me and the computer-- or worse, just me and Poo-face (Lu-face).

> > Enjoying pretty weather and nice company. It's a nice final getaway before August. I'm feeling more and more nervous every day. I'm trying not to focus on that for now though. Michael is having a good time. He loves his new iPad. It's nice to see him relax too. I think we both need it. It's so different traveling with my parents now. We are all so breezy, mainly interested in eating and napping. It's a far cry from the days when they towed 4 demanding children with them to amusement parks, etc.

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> > > Beautiful pictures from our trip so far. Looking forward to checking into the b&b tonight.

Thank you, fleece robe.  It's below 50, but I'm as toasty as a pop-tart.  That's what I call a win. Thank you, siblings.  You guys are crazy, and worry me on a regular basis, but I love you.  And Bubble, thanks for being there.  And bringing sweets.   Thank you "hot corners."  Now, with just a slight hint of a movement, I can escape Microsoft Word for trance-inducing Safari.  That really needed to be more readily accessible.   Thank you, Cha for Tea employees, who shout "Welcome to Cha!" every time someone walks through the door.  It is a helpful reminder that the numerous distractions in a given location are reason enough for me to close Safari and get back to work. Thank you, Michael.  Thank you for walking Lucy when I am stuck in a thought and need to wrestle with it for another hour.  Or week.  Thank you for eating leftovers for weeks at a time,  Thank you for listening to me talk through my ideas, though they are incredibly boring and unfamiliar.  Thank you for doing dishes.  Thank you for being cheerful.  Thank you for being you.   Thank you, coworkers, for being so utterly distracting that I am forced to pretty much count out the Lab as an option for a place to study. You guys are awesome and funny and encouraging. Thank you, pumpkin flavored yogurt.  Topping you with cinnamon toast crunch makes me feel like the Bobby Flay of Yogurtland. Thank you, mom and dad for letting me steal food from you on a regular basis.  Thank you for thinking something of me.  Thanks for hosting everything, all the time.   Thank you, friends.  Thanks for the support, the coffee breaks, the effort.  It does not go unnoticed. Thanks to God for all of the above, and everything in between.

Now back to the books . . .

Sent from my iPhone

I'm stressed about school. I'm nervous about the comps. Looking at these pictures kinda makes me feel better. We had a blast-- I'm looking forward to traveling again. This winter in SLO will be fun. The comps will be done by then. And it will be wedding time. I love weddings. That will be winter. For now I will be gazing back on summer and trying not to think about hibernating with my books and laptop all autumn.